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What If Your Kids Don’t Think Christianity is Cool?

My husband and I had a spotty record of church attendance in our first few years as a married couple. We wanted to go to church, but none of the churches we attended felt much like a church “home.” We wanted to connect with other people our age, but every church we visited had an older congregation. During that time, an idea started to take root in my head: Young people like me don’t go to church. Maybe I’m supposed to be doing something else.

When we had been married 5 years, we moved to another city. We decided to look at churches again and randomly selected one around the corner to check out. A friendly elderly man greeted us at the coffee table that morning and told us how happy he was to see a couple “like us.” He then asked a question we still laugh about today:

Have you met the other young couple that attends here?

It was funny enough to think that there were only two young couples (including us) in a rather large church. It was funnier yet that when we met the other young couple, they were at least 25 years older.

Funny, but disheartening. The idea that young people don’t “do” church became more firmly planted in my mind.

As a last ditch effort, we tried a local megachurch to see if we could find three or four other young Christian couples (we like to push our limits).

That church – which we’ve now attended for 10 years – changed our whole spiritual trajectory.

We found hundreds of young couples there. For the first time in my adult life, I looked around each Sunday and saw people my own age. These young people were passionate about their beliefs, they looked like they wanted to be at church, and they were people I knew I would relate to. I was exuberant.

Can I tell you something I didn’t realize at the time, and really don’t want to admit today? Please hear me say this in a whisper, because I don’t want to say it out loud:

It was only after I saw thousands of passionate young believers in one place that I felt being a Christian was normal enough and cool enough that I wanted to go “all in” with my faith.Continue reading

Is Faith a Matter of Common Sense?

(This post answers question #12 in my “65 Questions Every Christian Parent Needs to Learn to Answer” series. Sign up to receive posts via email to make sure you can answer each one!)

One day last week, I had been busy upstairs for an extended period when I realized how suspiciously quiet it had been downstairs. When three kids ages five and under are quiet for too long, you know there’s a problem.

I arrived downstairs to find my 5-year-old twins at the kitchen table making an underwater volcano from their science kit. I was quite surprised because in the past they’ve only used the kit with me instructing them. Before I could ask what was going on, Kenna explained, “Mommy, we can read the instructions on our own now! The parts we don’t understand, we’ll just figure out.”

Both of my twins became confident readers this year, so in a flash of parental ambivalence I agreed to let them continue while I finished laundry.

Fast-forward 15 minutes. I returned to find a floor covered in colored water and crystals – the unfortunate result of “figuring out” a few things on their own.

The Limits of Common Sense

Like my twins, most people have a tendency to want to figure things out on their own without overthinking it. Precise philosophical definitions aside, we casually refer to this as using our common sense.

Common sense is “sound judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts.” It’s an important part of our daily lives. For example, common sense tells us to not walk into the street when we see a car coming.

We run into problems, however, when we attempt to make common sense-type judgments about matters that require more understanding than a simple perception of facts.

For example, no one would try to conduct surgery on another person without medical training. We accept that the ability to do surgery requires a deeper knowledge of medical facts and not just simple perceptions about what makes sense when we cut someone open.

Religious belief is in this same category of complex things that require a different type of knowledge than simple common sense. Yet, one of the most frequent attacks on Christianity is that it doesn’t make sense (see this article as an example). These claims can look very compelling to people (especially kids) not well-grounded in their faith. They are typically emotion-laden, out-of-context caricatures that are written to make a person feel utterly stupid for being a Christian.Continue reading

7 Things Christian Parents Can Learn From the Tim Lambesis Story

A pretty shocking story has been making the rounds lately: Tim Lambesis, lead singer of Christian metal band As I Lay Dying, was convicted of attempting to hire a hitman to murder his estranged wife and recently confessed he had become an atheist. He and other band members had continued to claim they were Christians so they could keep selling albums to Christian fans.

Lambesis recently did a fascinating tell-all interview with Alternative Press magazine, in which he described (amongst many other things) his journey from Christianity to atheism. He grew up in a Christian family, went to a Christian high school, attended a Christian college, sang in a Christian band, married a Christian woman and later adopted three children from Ethiopia. It wasn’t for lack of exposure to Christian ideas that he lost his faith.

The eye-opening details he offered about his experience can teach Christian parents a lot. Here are seven important take-aways from the interview.

[Note that Lambesis is reportedly rethinking his atheism, so in some of these quotes you’ll see him reflecting critically on his deconversion.]

1. Kids need to understand the secular nature of the academic world before they get to college.

Lambesis: “I was a philosophy major in college. I thought it was something I’d enjoy that would help me grasp what people are thinking in order for me to help people better understand Christianity. I thought I would learn how to defend the faith. I was naïve.”

Freshman philosophy professors are notorious for starting the semester by announcing that there is no God. Lambesis went to a Christian college, so presumably the views would not be so skewed toward atheism, but clearly he wasn’t prepared for what he encountered even in that context. Academia is overwhelmingly hostile to Christianity and teenagers headed to college need to be prepared for where and how they’ll encounter that hostility before they get there. Sending kids to a Christian college is not a substitute for that preparation.Continue reading

5 Things To Do When You’re Struggling with Faith Doubts

I recently received an email from a blog reader who said she is struggling with so many doubts, she doesn’t think her faith will survive. She asked for advice on what to do because, while she would still “love to believe,” she feels she can’t anymore.

I’ve received similar emails periodically since starting my blog and I always feel a sense of dread in responding. Though I have a strong faith now, it was hard fought. It’s never been easy for me to “just” believe. I know first-hand how difficult times of doubt are and how complex the questions can be. So, when I receive these emails, I usually stare blankly at my screen wondering where to even begin with a response.

While every person’s faith crisis is unique, over time I’ve realized that I regularly come back to the following pieces of advice. I wanted to share them with you today. Here are 5 things to do if you’re struggling with doubts about Christianity.

1. Search your doubt to find its root.

If you’re where I was for a long time, doubt has become a large ball of tangled spiritual yarn in your mind; you don’t even know how to begin unraveling it to a place of spiritual comfort. Feeling like there is no resolution can leave you depressed and even angry.

Here’s some hope. In my experience, and the experience of others I’ve talked to, there is usually something that is at the core of your doubt, and most other doubts stem from it. If you can identify that core problem, it will help narrow your spiritual searching.

For example, many people have a long list of “why would God…” questions (fill in the blank: allow evil, command genocide, not permit homosexual behavior, remain so hidden, etc.). Collectively, those questions may seem too weighty to resolve. But at the root of them all is often a nagging feeling that God must not really exist if He is so hard to understand.

In this case, I would suggest studying the evidence for God’s existence rather than diving into answers for every individual question in the ball of yarn. Once you are fully convicted of His existence, you can come back to your questions with a fresh look that is focused on gaining understanding rather than on proving to yourself that God makes sense. That can make all the difference in the world.Continue reading

Why Would a Good God Allow Evil to Exist?

(This post answers question #3 in my “65 Questions Every Christian Parent Needs to Learn to Answer” series. Sign up to receive posts via email to make sure you can answer each one!)

One night recently, I was tucking my daughter into bed after a particularly difficult day. I didn’t have to tell her just how hard it had been. Unsolicited, she wailed, “Mommy, I tried soooo hard to be good today. But I just kept messing up. I don’t know how to be better like God wants!”

Before I could dispense my motherly wisdom on why we’ll never be perfect, however, she took the conversation in another direction.

“Why doesn’t God just stop me from being mean before it happens? Like, right before I’m mean, why doesn’t He just make me be nice?” she asked.

My son, listening with interest from the other room, yelled over, “Yeah, like I don’t understand why He doesn’t just stop bad guys before they do bad stuff! Why wouldn’t He just want good things to happen?”

There it was. My twins had already sniffed out an apparent contradiction in their budding faith: If God is perfect and good, how can there be evil in the world He created? My kids were in good company by identifying the issue. It’s a question that’s been asked for thousands of years and continues to be one of the most significant faith challenges posed by atheists today.

The Problem of Evil

Why is the existence of evil such a difficult problem for Christianity? The heart of the issue is this:

If God is all-good, He would eliminate evil.
If He is all-powerful, He could eliminate evil.
But evil in fact exists.
How can the existence of evil possibly be reconciled with the existence of the Christian God? (Atheists answer it can’t be.)

Millions of pages have been written on the problem of evil (literally). This post will introduce you to the framework Christian apologists typically use to address the issue. Of course, there is no way to do justice to such a complex topic in a single blog post. I highly recommend Norman Geisler’s book If God, Why Evil? for a concise yet thorough treatment of this very challenging topic.

First Things First: Did God Create Evil?

There are many aspects of the problem of evil, but the starting point for discussion is typically this: If God created everything, and evil is something, doesn’t that mean God created evil? Because Christians believe God is perfectly good, and that God created only good things (1 Timothy 4:4), that seems like a contradiction.Continue reading

Is Believing in God Childish?

My 5-year-old son loves learning how the world works. Last week, he took an interest in a picture of a reindeer in one of my National Geographic magazines. I could see the wheels turning in his head as he asked, “Mommy, how can reindeer fly?”

He was, of course, thinking of Santa’s reindeer. I had no idea what to say. I wasn’t ready to tell him the big secret, especially with his 3-year-old sister nearby.

I stammered, “Umm, well, I’m not sure. Normal reindeer don’t fly. It’s only Santa’s reindeer. They’re special.” Cough, cough.

Nathan’s look told me he knew something was fishy, but he went on playing without further questions.

My heart hurt as I realized my twins are at the age when they’ll soon outgrow a belief in all the fun childhood things that don’t actually exist – things like Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy. At some point, we all come to the realization that reindeer can’t fly, bunnies can’t deliver baskets to houses and there isn’t an invisible realm of fairies interested in our teeth. We discover these cherished ideas simply don’t match reality.

Unfortunately, there’s one more idea that many people believe we should outgrow because it doesn’t match reality: God.

Is Believing in God Childish?

When my friend’s son was in 2nd grade, a classmate asked him, “Do you still believe in that God thing?”

The implication, of course, was that believing in God is childish; that it’s something kids should outgrow the way they outgrow a belief in Santa. I can imagine that the question cut my friend’s son to the core. What child wants to think they’ve been snowed into believing another childhood story?Continue reading

Mommy, I Hate God

Confession: I’m cranky most Sunday mornings.

It’s like herding cats trying to get three small children out the door for 9 am church. The kids are usually arguing, they can’t find their shoes, they’re upset they can’t watch a morning cartoon, and they’re anything but cooperative. By the time we’re on our way, the last thing on my mind is worshiping God. I just want to pull an iron blanket over my head so no one can get to me.

Last Sunday was no different. I rushed the kids into the car before realizing I didn’t even have shoes on. I ran back into the house. By the time I returned – a mere 3 minutes later – Kenna had a report for me on what had happened while I was gone.

“Mommy! Nathan just said he hates God.”

I literally gasped. I looked at my 5-year-old son shrinking down in his seat and immediately knew he had said it.

“NATHAN! That is a terrible thing to say. Don’t ever say that again in our home! What are you thinking? I am shocked. Shocked! Why on earth would you say such a horrible thing?”

Honestly, I didn’t want an answer. It was more of a verbal hand-slap. I had no idea how to respond other than to harshly let him know it was something that he should never utter again.

The next 10 minutes of our drive to church were nearly silent. Then something strange happened. I found myself asking, If a blog reader told me their child said this, what would I suggest?Continue reading

What Christian Parents Need to Know About New Age and Occult Beliefs

Today I’m excited to share an interview with Marcia Montenegro!

Marcia was involved for many years in Eastern and New Age beliefs, and was a licensed professional astrologer. She became a Christian in 1990 and today has a ministry called Christian Answers for the New Age. Her ministry exists to 1) educate Christians about the New Age and occult so they can be more discerning and equipped to witness, and 2) reach people in the New Age and the occult with the love and truth of the Gospel. Marcia has a Masters in Religion from Southern Evangelical Seminary and is a missionary with Fellowship International Mission. She has spoken in 30 states, is a frequent radio guest, and has published articles in several Christian publications. She is the mother of an adult son, and is the author of SpellBound: The Paranormal Seduction of Today’s Kids.

I had the opportunity to ask Marcia several questions on what Christian parents need to know about New Age and occult beliefs. This is an area I personally knew very little about before doing this interview. I learned a lot, and I know you will too! As Marcia explains, your kids are probably exposed to these beliefs more than you realize.

1. Marcia, can you start by telling us a little about your own journey from being a professional astrologer to becoming a Christian?

I was deeply involved in the New Age and followed Eastern spiritual teachings (Hindu, Buddhist, and Taoist) for many years. I also practiced and taught astrology. I was very hostile to what I viewed as narrow-minded Christianity. In the year I ended my term as President of the Astrological Society in Atlanta, I suddenly experienced a compulsion to go to church. This led me to attend a (very open-minded) church several months later, where I amazingly experienced the feeling of God’s love pouring down on me (from a personal God I didn’t even believe in!). I then gave up astrology. I eventually encountered and began trusting in Jesus while reading the Gospel of Matthew. All of this took place over just 8 or 9 months!

2. Can you help parents understand exactly what “New Age” means, and why New Age ideas are so appealing to young people?Continue reading

25 Family Devotional Time Ideas

[NOTE: This post is a couple of years old but continues to receive a large number of visitors from Google searches on devotional time ideas. A lot has happened here on the blog since I wrote this–including having the opportunity to write a book that was released in March 2016 by Harvest House Publishers: Keeping Your Kids on God’s Side: 40 Conversations to Help Them Build a Lasting Faith! If you’re here because you’re looking for resources to help you grow together spiritually as a family, please take a moment to check it out!]

Every night, we do a simple family worship time. It’s usually about 20 minutes and consists of Bible study, songs and group prayer. We’ve spent the better part of three years of family worship time going through various children’s Bibles. Lately, however, I’ve been feeling bored by the continual loop of children’s material, and I can tell my kids are feeling it too.

I decided to brainstorm some alternative ways to spend devotional time. Here are 25 ideas I want to share with you!

1. Read through a children’s Bible.

This is what we’ve been doing since we first started having worship time. If you’re just starting out with a family time, this is honestly the easiest way to go. There are many children’s Bibles available – pick one and read a story each night. We recently finished The Jesus Storybook Bible (ages 4-8) and thought it was great for the most part. We’re now doing the God’s Love For You Bible Storybook (ages 4-9) and love it (more on that in number 5).

2. Use a devotional book for kids.

Search “devotional books for kids” on Amazon and you’ll see a vast array of options.

3. Act out a Bible story.

Choose a night each week to act out a Bible story instead of reading a new one. My kids especially loved this at Christmas time. Several nights in a row, we acted out Jesus’ birth and it really helped the kids remember the details of the story. Parables are also great for acting out.

4. Break down the meaning of worship songs.

Have you ever thought about how hard worship songs are for kids to understand? There’s a lot of “Christian speak” going on. Your kids are probably used to singing all kinds of lyrics they’re clueless about. We had been singing “Open the Eyes of My Heart” for more than a year before I realized my kids couldn’t tell me what it means to “open the eyes of their heart.” Periodically, we go line by line through a song now to discuss what it means.

5. Learn about needs in other countries.

The “God’s Love For You Bible Storybook” I mentioned in number 1 is unique in that it has stories about world needs in between the Bible stories (the author is the President of World Vision). My kids LOVE, love, love the stories about these needs and anxiously throw open the Bible each night to see if we “get” to learn about a country. You could use this Bible or simply research a world need together on a given night (e.g., clean water in Zambia). If you can find a video to go with it, it’s a powerful lesson. For example, here is a video we watched with our kids about the need for clean water in Zambia: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bg1iLMnKD-4 Continue reading

Why Christianity is Tough for Control Freaks

As I write this, I’m recovering from surgery I had Monday to remove a (benign) cyst that was discovered just a couple of weeks ago.

I won’t mince words…I was an absolute wreck leading up to the surgery. The thought of “going under” (general anesthesia) was terrifying to me. (If you’re wondering why someone would be scared of being totally unconscious and at the mercy of other people’s skills and decisions, you’re probably not a candidate for fully appreciating this post.)

You see, I’m a control freak. Like many other “type A” people, I find comfort in taking charge and relying on myself for outcomes. There is no level of being more out of control than being under general anesthesia.

The night before surgery, in between tears, I grabbed a notepad next to my bed and started writing the things that scared me:

“Won’t wake up after surgery.”

“Will wake up during surgery.”

“Will be awake during surgery but no one will know and I’ll feel everything.”

“Surgeon will make mistake, causing permanent damage.”

“Surgeon will find something unexpectedly bad inside.”

“Going to die!”

As I reviewed my dramatic list of fears, my eyes drifted to the bottom of my notepad where the following verse was printed: “Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you” (Psalm 55:22).

I felt like I had been socked in the gut with spiritual guilt. What kind of Christian am I that I can’t simply “cast” these cares on God? Aren’t I supposed to take comfort in knowing there is a God who loves me? Shouldn’t I just “trust” God about each and every thing that comes my way?

It’s funny that atheists often claim Christians believe in God because they want to (“wish fulfillment,” according to Freud) or because it’s comforting. This couldn’t be further from the truth for a control freak! Christianity is a tough religion for those of us burdened with a need to be in total control. Atheism would actually be easier for me because, if true, it would mean there is no higher power in control of my life. Just me.

I am a Christian because I believe Christianity is true, not because it’s what I find comforting.

Just for fun today, let’s consider how discomforting the truth of Christianity can be for control freaks!Continue reading