What I Hope My Kids Will Say at My Funeral

I’m looking forward to celebrating Mother’s Day this weekend. If my husband has taken my many cues, he will have worked with the kids to craft some kind of memorable gift, probably involving a handprint or leaf. With any luck, he will also inform me that I can sleep in as long as I want while he takes care of the kids. With more luck, he’ll tell me I get to sleep in two mornings. (Emphasis added for Bryan’s benefit. He reads all my posts. Indirect spouse communication is a fringe benefit of having a blog.)

Mother’s Day is a great opportunity to reflect on what you would like to be celebrated for. Right now, my kids are young enough that they are celebrating me because I simply exist as their mother. Over time, they will hopefully grow to appreciate me for more than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Extending the time horizon even further, I was reflecting on this question today:

What do I hope my kids will say about me at my funeral someday?Continue reading

Teachable Moment: Praying With Kids to Reset a Bad Day

Last Sunday, we got home from a nice morning at church, and then all “hell” broke loose.

By the time we walked in the door, Kenna was upset about something and hit Nathan. Nathan later retaliated by pushing her. Not five minutes later, Alexa walked up and pulled Kenna’s hair for no reason. Through all of this there was a lot of yelling from mommy and daddy. Having three kids three and under often means chaos, but this was extreme. The triple child meltdown is actually pretty unusual.

The contrast of church with the reality of our home after church was frightening. It was like something out of an episode of the Supernanny. I felt like things were completely out of control.

But you know what I was more concerned about? The fact that a morning like that often snowballs into an entire day like that. As I listened to the kids continue to argue, I thought to myself how wonderful it would be if we could just start some days over. A nice big “reset” button would be immensely helpful.Continue reading

Dear Children: Christianity Is Not Less Intelligent Than Atheism

This is my fourth post in a series called “Letters For Christian Armour”.

Dear Children,

Something I want you to be prepared for in life is the frequent implication or assertion by atheists that Christianity is less intelligent than atheism.

To understand why this notion is so common, consider the respective starting positions for a Christian and an atheist. (Note that this is not to debate who is right, but rather to explain why one position is not more intelligent than another.)

Here are some of the difficulties a Christian must grapple with:

  • A God who is invisible and “silent”.
  • A Bible that is filled with ancient references we often don’t understand, supernatural claims that we don’t continue to experience today, apparent contradictions, incomplete answers to some of life’s biggest questions, concepts that seem outrageous to “modern” minds (e.g., hell), and descriptions of God that seem inconsistent on the surface (e.g., loving versus wrathful).
  • No obvious, immediate correlation between prayers and outcomes of prayers.
  • A world filled with evil and pain that feels impossible to reconcile with the existence of a supremely good Being.Continue reading

8 Things Kids Should Know About Hell

Hell is probably not at the top of your list of things to talk about with your kids.

On the surface, it seems to contradict all the messages about God’s love that we share with them. We worry about confusing them or having them follow Jesus out of fear. We want them to focus on the joy of Jesus and how we should live in this life. I dare say that we sometimes don’t know quite what to make of hell ourselves. Therefore, we just avoid the topic.

But it shouldn’t be ignored.

We frequently talk about the need for salvation and the fact that Jesus died so we can be forgiven and reconciled to God. But saved from what? Reconciled for what? Hell is the assumed other side of the coin that we outright avoid acknowledging much of the time.

So what should we teach our kids? “If you believe in Jesus, you go to heaven, if you don’t, you go to the big fiery pit called hell where you suffer forever. The end.” Pass the dinner rolls.

There is much more we can and should teach about hell than this simple “heaven and hell are opposites” concept! Given how many people struggle with the notion of hell as adults, it should be well worth our while to address this (admittedly difficult) topic more thoroughly.

Here is a framework of key topics to consider. This is detailed! But you won’t regret taking the time to consider these points.Continue reading

Guide to Getting Back Into Spiritual Shape

I have been sick for two weeks. It’s just a common cold, but it won’t seem to go away. During that time, my typical faith “activities,” such as prayer and Bible study, have fallen by the wayside. Even though it’s due to my current preoccupation with extra sleep and blowing my nose (rather than any kind of faith crisis), I’m amazed at how fast I can get spiritually “out of shape.” I realized it this morning in the shower.

Thought process:  Hmmm. I haven’t prayed in several days. I need to pray. OK. Here we go. Dear God… (pause) (longer pause…thinking what to say…) Hi.

…Then I actually laughed out loud because I just said “hi” to God.

I could only offer a meek “hi” because I was feeling sheepish and disconnected after having not prayed for so long. It’s like picking up the phone to call a friend you haven’t been in touch with for a while; those initial moments are usually awkward.Continue reading

Why All Christian Parents Should Teach Their Children About Other Religions

I started teaching my twins the alphabet when they turned two. Yes, I know that is a bit extreme. But, truth be told, I was a little bored with “non-productive” play time and wanted to do something even marginally goal-oriented with them.  By the time they were two and a half, they both knew all their letters. (I’m both embarrassed and proud to say that my daughter could also name every state on the map at that age.) I have since slowed way down with the learning curve, but still spend a couple of afternoons per week teaching them “early preschool” lessons (they are now three).

I recently started a book for them with various alphabet exercises in it. On each page, a letter is shown in the context of several other letters and the child is supposed to circle all the correct upper and lower case instances of it – for example, circle the “O”s in this picture:Continue reading

Can You Answer This…Why Is It Important That Jesus Rose From the Dead?

(This is the first in what will be an ongoing series of “Can You Answer” questions on my blog. I hope to challenge us all to be prepared to articulate answers to very specific faith questions our kids may ask or that we should proactively pose.)

My husband and I several years ago were attending a very theologically liberal church. One Easter, the pastor used the sermon to talk about why Christians need to stop worrying so much about whether Jesus was “literally” resurrected (as opposed to the resurrection being purely metaphorical), because “what really matters is that we live our lives to better the world like Jesus did.”

This church had led my beliefs to become more liberal at the time, but even I recoiled when I heard that claim. I couldn’t even have told you then exactly why the resurrection had to be a real, historical event versus a non-literal philosophy, but I knew it was much more important than this pastor was saying.Continue reading

40 Things To Expect From a Christian Life

40 Things To Expect From a Christian LifeAfter writing in my last post about managing your kids’ expectations when teaching them to listen to God, I realized how little most of us knew what to expect on any faith matter when we became a Christian.

We were taught what to believe.

We were taught what to do with that belief.

We were taught the eternal result of that belief.

But most of us were given very little, if any, expectation of what we might think, feel, hear and experience throughout a life dedicated to Christ. That lack of insight into other believers’ inward experiences sometimes leaves us wondering if our experiences are “normal” for a Christian.

When my kids get older, I want to be mindful of this and equip them with some ideas of what they might expect (good and bad) in their day-to-day Christian life. Here are, based on my experiences, 40 things to expect from a Christian life (while acknowledging that not all of these apply to all people). Continue reading

5 Steps For Teaching Kids To Listen to God in Prayer

A couple of years ago, my husband and I became involved with a ministry to feed homeless people. We were considering different directions for the ministry’s future and the leader at the time came to our house for discussion. Preparing for this meeting, I made flowcharts and drafted some financial models. When the leader arrived, however, he asked if we could pray and just listen to what God had to tell each of us.

I truly started to panic. Did God talk to him so clearly on a regular basis that he knew he could just pray right now and hear an answer? Without considering my charts and financial models? I had no idea what I was supposed to do to hear God speak at that moment.Continue reading

Part 3: How Does School Impact a Child’s Faith Development?

This is the third and final post highlighting the findings from the Cardus Education Survey. The survey, conducted with the largest-ever sample of Christian school graduates in North America, was designed to answer this question:

Do the motivations for private religious Catholic and Protestant schooling in North America align with graduate outcomes?

Previously, I highlighted the findings related to education’s impact on spiritual formation and cultural and community engagement. Today I am highlighting the findings on academic achievement.

Clearly, parents choose private religious school in large part due to the desire to incorporate faith in education. That said, the academic result of any school choice has to be a critical measure that cannot be ignored. Otherwise, as the Cardus report says, “a Christian school is nothing more than a tuition-based youth group.”Continue reading